Ayurveda for modern living

The ayurvedic doshas, and the term ‘opposites attract’, got me really thinking. Maybe we unconsciously seek in another person the dosha we have least of (and therefore need most of). Perhaps it is those qualities that attract us to a person in the first place – as they hold the key for us on how to keep our inner balance.

I got thinking about my own relationship with my partner. We are complete opposites – he is a loving, earthy, calm Kapha-Pitta, and I am a flighty, active, nervous Vata-Pitta.

When our two Pitta natures meet, all hell breaks loose! When two alike natures are together, it can be challenging. But that is only sometimes, when both of us are out of balance at once. When my Vata is too much, and I am running round in circles, chasing my tail, my Kapha man reminds me to stop worrying and relax, rest even, because it’ll all be ok. He then uses his Pitta focus and intelligence to remind me what is important and what’s not.

Conversely, when my Kapha man has been on the couch too long, immersed in his own little cozy world, I breeze in and motivate him to come out with me. Go out for dinner. Go for a walk. Put the laptop down. Anything.

The funny thing is, I have found many ayurvedic bloggers that say exactly the same thing about their relationships: opposites attract.

That being the case, then, the inverse must be true: people with the same doshas would often clash. They would unbalance each other, and even make each other sick. This is if they were not in perfect balance, which is difficult to achieve. Health and well-being have a huge impact on relationships.

For example, I don’t think I could go out with another Vata – we would make each other so nervous, worried and fretful. If two Pittas lived together, there would be far too many fiery clashes. Two Kaphas might encourage each other to go into hibernation, eating junk food and sitting on the couch all winter. This could possibly be the same with friendships too.

Whether or not it’s true, it’s definitely an interesting way to look at relationships!


Upon further observation and life experience, opposites work well if they are in balance. If one partner’s dosha is swinging to one extreme, it may create a burden on the other partner. A Kapha may be so out of balance, they start to do nothing and gain weight, creating a strain on the other partner. A Pitta out of balance may become critical and authoritative with a partner, breeding hidden resentment and emotional distancing. Good partnerships depend on each person keeping his/her dosha in balance, and maintaining good health and well-being.


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